It seems the majority of my adult life has been spent in transition.
After high school I spent 2 years in Rockford Illinois, 2 years in Minnesota, 3 years in Wisconsin and now 5 years back in Rockford.
Ironically, with every one of these moves (except for the very first one—I was a senior in high school who couldn’t wait to leave home), there was part of me that really didn’t want to go, but knew I needed to move.
Moving from Rockford back to my home town in Minnesota, I was excited yet disappointed about a couple of things, moving from Minnesota to Wisconsin, I was heartbroken and unsure, moving from Wisconsin to Rockford I was ticked/annoyed/sad/super disappointed! (I was moving to get married you guys… it’s amazing Josh Woolley loves me still… babe, I’m sorry! In my defense, I just really really really loved Green Bay Wisconsin, like LOVED. God did a whole lot in my life while I was there and it felt heartbreaking to leave my fellow custard loving people. It was hard for me to move even though I knew I was supposed to). Yet in all of these moments, man, I’m so glad I left. It took some adjusting, I had to make new friends or re-find old friends, but it was and is good.
So here’s where I am you guys, I’m really ready to go to the Amazon. I mean, I still have an apartment full of stuff I need to get rid of, (AND a lot more $$$ to raise) but yeah, I’m ready to go—I want to go.
BUT also where I am, is not wanting to say goodbye. Like if I could just drive myself to the airport today, board a plane for South America and have someone else get rid of all my stuff, I would choose to do that in a heartbeat—which is weird, because as a Minnesotan, goodbyes are a super huge part of culture… Have you heard of a “Minnesotan goodbye”??! We literally stand on the corner and wave until the person we’re saying goodbye to is out of sight—so I’m kinda turning my back on my heritage with this incognito goodbye plan.
I’m pretty sure Betty’s grandparents would have my head if we did that, so I’ll have my (1000+) ugly girl goodbye cries. Someone please send waterproof mascara.
THE BOTTOM LINE: Transition is always hard—EVERYTHING about this one especially is hard and stressful and painful. But if I can tell you anything, it’s that I’ve learned first hand how God has always always always written a better story than I could have.
If I was writing my story, I’d be a Packer season ticket holder, living in Milwaukee, skinny and pregnant with twins and Josh Woolley would be making close to $350,000 per year so I could fly my family to my beach house in NC whenever I want…. #dreambigyouguys #onlyhuman
A month+ ago, that story was my struggle. Internally, I was a bit bummed comparing my made up, totally ridiculous/unrealistic story, to the story God is currently writing. I could only think about what I was giving up, instead of all that I would be gaining.
But God is so kind to me. In looking back on all my “moves”, He spoke to my heart and said “Do you wish you would’ve stayed in any of those places for a second longer?” to which I instantly said NO. NO WAY. NOT FOR EVEN A SECOND. They were all so precious for so many reasons, but they all needed to fade out because something greater was waiting.
IN CONCLUSION: (Often) when I talk about God to people, I refer to the Lord as “The God who has my back”. In each and every decision of my life (big, small, mundane or exciting) I’ve seen the Lord FIRST HAND work things out so perfectly that it leaves me saying “Wow, God! You have my back! In every detail you’ve had my back.”
So that makes me want to leave. That makes me trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. That alone gives me confidence that while life and moving and parenting and the future feels complicated, it really is a straight path.
I mean it. I want whatever this story is more than money, or Milwaukee, or… (what’s another M word????) Well, more than anything.
You guys, I don’t want to go anywhere the Lord isn’t leading — nope,
I don't want to go there.
Oceans has been my missions song for a few years--hope it inspires you to step out into deep waters as you place your trust in the God who has your back.